Ever thought about death? By that I don't mean the band Death (metaaahhl), but actual death. The one that kills you. Now, I hear all you smart-asses think: "(donkey sounds) Of course, we're
Time for a story, then.
Well, about two weeks ago, I had my first confrontation with actual death. My grandfather of 83 years old passed away. The man was never one to favour family much, so the atmosphere at his service was not as emotional as one would expect. The cremation-spokesman started off mentioning all the funny and happy things that happened to my grandfather in life. I didn't recognize a single one of them. I must have never known my grandfather for who he really was. A family-man, apparently. But where was my grandfather, the one who visited me once every couple of years, loaded me with presents for birthdays long past / Christmas and then suddenly disappeared out of my life again?
That made me wonder: where do we go after we're dead? Obviously we get buried in a wooden coffin / burned in a hellishly hot fire, but what happens to the souls of the departed? In an attempt to engage in a deep conversation with my father, I asked him that very question. "We go wherever we want to go", he replied to me. Wow, I thought, that's radical. I've always wanted to go to
Next, I started to wonder what I'd miss the most if I were to die now. After some thinking, I decided to make a list. Since I'd be going to
I slowly put down my pen and buried my face in my hands. God, this was hard work. Yeah, I'd sure miss the little fellow. I'd always remember the cheerfulness with which he had always greeted me when I got home from work, the warmth he gave me when the heating broke and I cuddled up next to him in his basket, his appetite - which cost me half my monthly pay check, the enthusiasm with which he had destroyed my finest pair of shoes, the countless times he had dragged me through the muddy banks in the forest to chase squirrels... I absently stared at the piece of paper and tore off the corner which said "dog".
Hell yeah, why I didn't think of it before was a mystery to me. The record of zero speeding / parking tickets thanks to the incredible horsepower, the streamlined chassis and the futuristic speeds - the... bill for 3 tanks of gas every week and the every-month repair costs that exceeded my budget so much I�d live the rest of the month off dog food of my Rover 214 Si. A dark cloud formed above my head. Frustrated, I ripped the page out of my scribbling pad and threw it in a corner.
Then it hit me. Of course, why hadn't I thought of this before? It was so obvious! The one thing that was an immeasurably big part of my life, the one thing that I loved more than pastrami! With a dreamy smile on my face my pen touched the paper.
Satisfied I leaned backwards in my chair. Luckily I didn't have to worry about such things, yet. Oh, and music. I'd miss music as well. After proudly having completed my list with these two words, I got out of my chair and looked out of the window. I wonder if grandpa misses his penis? My dad once told me that all he did was think with it, what a loss.
Would emo's miss their penis? Probably not, they'd have cut it off by themselves long before their time had come. I shrugged and shook my head. This world consists of some crazy people. Then I rushed outside after noticing that the dog was happily bouncing around on the lawn.
...With my new Elvenking album between his jaws.
This column is dedicated to the memory of my grandfather, who, in his own way, was a loving family-man, a responsible father and an always cheerful grandfather with a good sense of humour. Grandpa, I hope you're in a better place now after the last two years of sickness. I'll always remember you.
I love you