"Ok, my label wants me to write a little story to go with the album. Once upon a time..just kidding.. In the Summer of 2005 I was sitting.." Before proceding to turn out to be a honest and even quite a funny monologue about his music. This is what I want to read! Aparently, Killing Machine's Peter Scheithauer (even his name, that can be translated to "Shit Holder" in Dutch, is funny), doesn't have a stupid promo bobo dodo geek to write any drivel for him. He isn't a pooplord. A good thing, I'd say. In fact, his label is the great Belgian Mausoleum records, home to many fun metal bands. The bio ends with the immortal words "Let the music speak for itself". Hail. Let's have a listen, I have a good feeling about this "Shit Holder" and his metal assault!

 

As we press play we get blown away by a classic heavy metal riff (thank you mister Shit Holder), acompanied by heavy thunder drumming courtasy of Jimmy DeGrasso, bass plucking of Dave Ellefson and a terrifying "rope 'round the 'ol nutsack" type of Rob Halfordish singing through the voice of James Rivera. If you do not like "tied nutsack" singing, skip to song 2 that is way more suitable for all ears. Not that there is something wrong with ropes around nutsacks by the way (Did I just share to much?). Throughout the album Rivera serves us a fine platter with many tastes of classic heavy metal style vocals. Good singer. All songs are a-okay. Even the handy ballad 'Redemption From Genocide' passes the guinea pig test (a test that involves me holding a live guinea pig in the palm of my hand, which gets squashed when I hear crappy music).

 

'Metalmorphosis' is nothing new, not at all. No sir. But call me "Skanky Julia" if that was the intention of this Shit Holder and his fine orchestra. Cause it's all just good metal fun. Riffs from the great 80's metal era. Every three lines Rivera sings about something that involves Wind Blowing, Riding The Stars and Crusades. It's songs about battle cries, and maybe even some swords. It's the stuff that sounds like beer. I'm sick and tired of writing the same clichés over and over again, so I'll just keep it at this: Killing Machine is fun. Heavy Metal that rumbles and thunders and just drips with Judas Priest, Megadeth and even some Maiden. Just go and buy it, if you like this kind of music. It's good value for money. If you are more into Puff Daddy, good for you. Go buy one of his albums. But I'd prefer this type of studded cod-piece metal.