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Cliteater - Ants live all around the globe
Following my high quality Rompeprop interview is another conversation with one of the Gore Grind Over Europe tour bands; Cliteater. Famous worldwide for destroying clits and ears with their gory grind, but still one of the most important undergrind bands in all of The Netherlands. Here is their story, questions answered by guitarist Ivan. Enjoy, bitches!
Hey Ivan, how’s life?
‘Hey Luuk, thanks for the interest. To be honest right now it could be better, I face some health problems. Because of this we had to cancel the planned mini-trip in December, I hope to feel better so we can do the planned gigs in Norway in a couple of weeks and the GGOE tour.’
For those not familiar with Cliteater, could you introduce yourselves to our readers?
‘Cliteater exist now for 8 years and released 3 full length albums and one split cd. Over the years we did tons of gigs through Europe and Northern America and we try to make grindcore with a touch of rock and roll and death metal.’
You guys are preparing to record a new record this summer, what can you tell us about it regarding the recording process, record label, artwork, title and lyrics?
This cd will be recorded in June in the famous Soundlodge studio by Jorg Uken. War Anthem Records from Germany will release this piece of art. The title is going to be The Great Southern Clitkill and we already wrote some nice juicy tunes. New songs are ‘Bruce Dick-in-Son Part 2’, ‘Crime Scene Cleaner’ and ‘Fucking Faggot’.
What do you think is Cliteater’s funniest song title, and why?
‘This is a though one. I guess it will be ‘Radio Tschernobyl’. Once during a rehearsal we had a pause and I put my rack into the clean position. We heard a sound coming from my amp and it was a Russian radio station so I said, wow hear it’s radio Tschernobyl haha, that’s where the title comes from. But also titles as ‘Didgeridildo’, ‘Eat Clit Or Die’ and ‘Portable Gass Stove’ are funny ones all with their own story behind it.’
Don’t you think eating clits is considered cannibalism and thus illegal?
‘In my opinion it’s 100% legal to eat clits!’
You once had Susan in your ranks (who is now in God Dethroned). How did she feel about eating clits and playing in a band called Cliteater?
‘I guess she never had ate any clit but she told me she loved to play in our band but after a year she discovered that Cliteater was not 100% her band and decided to concentrate on her new band. After the release of the album she joined forces with God Dethroned and now she is touring all over the world with them.’
You bassist is currently on a year-long vacation, you found a temporary replacement in Robbie Rockster. How is this working out so far?
‘Robbie Rockster is an old friend of ours and he travelled a lot with us in the past. Originally he’s a guitar player but we asked him to play bass and he agreed and we are very happy with him as replacement for Bap who’s now riding on an elephant somewhere in a jungle in Laos or Vietnam.’
You guys always base your album titles on legendary metal albums from the past, how did this came to be and which bands can we expect to be Clitted in the future?
‘For the first album we where thinking for a new title. On a moment I told the guys just for a joke Clit ‘em All and we all liked it and took the name. For the 2nd record we did the same so for the future we are now doomed to cliterise old legendary album titles for own use haha. The next is going to be called as I told The Great Southern Clitkill. This will be our 4th full length and The Great Southern Trendkill was also Pantera’s fourth album. And we are proud from the south ;) so this name fitted the best!’
What is the dumbest anecdote you can tell regarding the touring/playing history of Cliteater?
We played once in Northern UK on a festival. After the headlining act (Anal Cunt) Joost (vocals), Kuntz from Rotten Roll Rex and I went to the hotel and on the way back we saw a pub still open. We went inside and some Sunderland hooligans were watching us drinking the English beers. The bargirl told them to leave because it was closing time but asked us to stay. We stayed and we got plenty of free beers. Why, I still don’t know but at 5 o’clock my alarm ringed on my phone so I told the guys, we have to leave cause we had to leave early to catch the channel train in the afternoon. We were very drunk so we walked to the hotel and felt asleep in the hotel kitchen. After an hour our bus was ready and completely passed out we fell asleep. After 6 hours I woke up and tried to find my bag to grab a bottle of water but I discovered I forgot my bag and instruments. We had no time to drive back so the only things I got were my wallet and passport. I called some guys from Suppository who also played but they also left the hotel. The promoter took my bag and guitar later and it took 2 years to send the bag back. Thanks to Luc (FUBAR) I have my bag back, the guitar they sent 2 weeks later, but it was a heavy bill haha. So always check your bus before leaving the city! ;) One other nice anecdote was our way back from OEF 2007. My navi system failed in Poland and we were lost. We had no maps, so we tried to find our way back home. After an hour the police took us from the road and they told us to pay because we drove too fast. We asked for the evidence but they could not show. We had no Polish money so they wanted to take us to the police station but after some hours waiting and complaining I started to talk Polish to the cops and they liked the fact a Dutchman could speak Polish so we could go without paying the €20 .
Best gig was Party San 2007 and the Maryland Deathfest in Baltimore/Washington.’
What do you consider the highlight of your career so far?
‘The fact people like our music so much they ask us to play in the most incredible places all over the world and of course our gig with Slayer!’
What would you still like to achieve with Cliteater?
‘Playing once with Rompeprop, which would be a dream come true!!’
In movies, who do you prefer, Arnold Schwarzenegger or Sylvester Stallone? Motivation?
‘I say Sylvester Stallone. My first bedroom poster was a First Blood Rambo poster and I like the Rambo films more than the Arnold Schwarzenegger movies.’
When was the last time you puked, and what was the reason for it?
'In the hotel after the gig in Gorlitz on Goremagaddon fest in November 2009. Reason was the stress in my body, not the beers or noodles.'
You guys are preparing for the very first Gore Grind Over Europe tour with Rompeprop and Rectal Smegma, how do you feel about playing on this trek and what do you expect of it?
‘We toured once with Rompeprop in the US and this was really nice. Those guys know how to drink and party. I expect lots of fun, gore, trouble with the van, beer, fast food, no sleep, kilometres, police, trashed hotels, trashed hostels, trashed motels, roadkills, diarrhoea, football, gas station food, chauvinism, and nice home videos.’
What do you think was the dumbest question in this interview?
‘I will quote Dennis; “this one” hahahaha!’
Do you have anything (dumb and/or intelligent) to add to this interview?
‘Yes, I discovered that ants live all around the globe except the South Pole and this means they are the most successful kind of animal all around the globe. Fascinating!’