‘Yeah my booking agent got me some weird art gigs. Like that Porno Festival and some art galleries. The Porno Festival was weird. I had Bukkake Boy from GUT do vocals, he went up and fucking did some naaaasty shit!’

I saw GUT at Obscene Extreme, do you know that?
 

‘Ah yeah yeah, I saw videos of that shit.’

 

‘It’s in Czech right? Where exactly?’

 

‘In the middle of nowhere huh?’

‘But it works there. Probably one of the few places it would work. But yeah I did some weird shows with GUT, and in Croatia I did some shows with DJ Scotch Egg, gameboy grindcore, it’s amazing!! First it’s all like Mario Brothers, and then it’s like waaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!! And with Tim Exile, fucking dope breakcore fucking with a joystick, a penis joystick. His vocals are fucking sick, I can’t believe we did that in Eastern Europe.’

 

‘Oh shit they are? Wow that’s amazing! It’s Valerie I think, from Big Green Dildo or something. I did a couple of shows with them too.’

And on another day you had a guy come up to do vocals.
 

‘Yeah from Torche, they are from Miami, so I know them from Miami. I didn’t know that he made music, but then I saw him with this kick ass metal band and I said let’s do this!’

You do this a lot? Just team up with another artist?

‘Yeah, like when I was in Paris there was this fucking crazy grindcore band, and we just rented a studio and recorded a whole album of thirty second songs. They’re all like love songs, like ‘I love you girl’ and then waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!! Fucking crazy.’

‘Yeah I did a show with him and Rahzel in Atlanta, and I opened for them and he was there, and afterwards he came to me like ‘nobody told me you were playing tonight, I have your stuff, so I showed him like thirty tracks for the new album, and it was basically a done deal.’

Yeah, but he also borrowed you some equipment to record it with, didn't he?

‘No no no, I gave him like 38 songs, all raw and about a minute in length, and when I got them back I said fuck it and finished them, but when I was finished there were like eighty minutes of weird shit left. So he made it less than an hour.’

So he really participated in Maxipad Detention?

‘Yeah, he put it together. And it works.’

 

‘Yeah me too, it’s raw, sick, and very smoothly produced.’

‘Oh that dude! The English guy. I met him yesterday! He gave me so much weed, I can’t even smoke it all!’

Here, smoke something!

‘No, I’m too stoned man!’

 

‘Yeah, fuck! Do you know BPM? The artist BPM? Well, do you know Aphex Twin?

Yeah, sure!

‘Well he just takes Aphex Twin records, just screams over his songs and then just puts out the record with a little moustache on the cover, it’s hilarious. He’s sold like 2000 of them. The first records were pretty funny to Aphex Twin, but after a while he contacted him like now I’m pissed stop it, it isn’t funny anymore. But he did that with records of Falco, Christmas records, it’s insane. He was also at that Tilburg festival, during his show he was like handing out cookies while doing Elton John tracks and wearing an Elton John mask, so it was like really bizarre. He was screaming, and then he just stopped it and left a techno-beat going. So he went to the backstage, so on stage comes that English guy that starts to do jungle rhymes, you know like ‘selecta rewind’ type of stuff, so BPM comes back on stage and tells him to fuck off or something. So he got mad and threw BPM of stage, threw all the cookies at him, so that was what that shit at my show was about. Me telling him that you can’t do that to BPM. I wanted to see BPM but I couldn’t, because of him. So yesterday he apologized, haha!’

‘Yes it is.’

 

‘Yes, Aldo von Schirach is his name.’

‘Yeah he was fucking, a crackhead yeah, haha! I don’t know if I’m related to him, because it’s a bit of a puzzle. I’m like half Cuban, because my grandfather went to Cuba and married a Cuban girl. So everything got lost in Cuba, I don’t know how I’m related to him. Could be that he was my grandfather’s cousin or uncle or something. I don’t really know. I just kept the name because it was like, my name. I wanna do a band with another name, but I haven’t done it yet.’

 

‘Yes. But he was not like a crackhead on the street. It was a crackhead with a lot of money and a business. I worked for his wife as a fucking biker, and he had this drum machine, he had a pile of shit like this (red. aiming at the crap in the space where were doing this interview), he made commercials and he was a crackhead. He smoked weed and he smoked crack. But he was like a mature level crackhead, on a level that he could handle work. But it was a real piece of shit drum machine.’

‘I don’t know. What am I gonna wear on stage? I went on tour with Skinny Puppy, I did like 57 shows with them in North America, and I’m like good friends with the Supersizer, he’s like an awesome guy and he was always encouraging me to get crazy on stage.’

 

 

‘Yeah in a three month tour I did like 50 shows, so it was like half shows and half of the time the day off. Shows in Austria, shows in Berlin, Italy, and a lot of doing nothing.’

Are you into moustaches?

‘Yeah. You too I see.’

 

‘Yes man! Too many times, I hate it. Music is art you know. If I’m gonna make black metal it’s not like if I’m gonna burn your church you know. It’s art, if I make goregrind it’s not as if I’m gonna open your bowels or something. Music is art, and people take it too serious sometimes. And it scares me.’

‘It’s like four gigabyte of noises in there.’

‘Yeah it has vaginas and farts. But very little puke and farts, because I have like a puke record, called Pukology and from that album you’ll be able to get all the sounds. I have like a 100 of those with me now, because we didn’t distribute it. It’s really rare like Revolver bought 50 of them and then I bought 200. I just want the right people to have it. And I’m gonna do a shit record too. But in OTTO there’s more like beats, techno, hip hop and gabber stuff and the sound effects are more like kitchen, like cooking and frying noises. Some puking, not a lot though. Some shitting, not a lot. A lot of cats, cows, goats, donkeys. I basically stole the whole George Lucas sound database, hahaha.’

So why do you have so little merchandise to sell?
 

Well it’s hard to carry a lot of merch. I had like a briefcase full of shirts and hoodies, but when they were sold I just threw the briefcase away. And the thing is you’re carrying it around and you give away so much, like to the promotor, the guy you play with wants to trade, you know. But on the website there’s always stuff.’

‘No no, it’s has a lot of normal stuff too. We currently try to market it to Hollywood. It’s not really focusing on Europe, but it’s doing a lot in LA, where the studios are. One studio will buy seven copies, because they have seven machines. It’s used for animation and movies and such. But here in Europe it’s not in stores, but you just have to go to the store and tell them to order it.’

‘Yeah, all that shit. Well watching it, not actually doing it. I like my girlfriends teeth, they’re good to lick. I like that. And I like watching old people take a shit. It comes out so easy, they’ve done it about a million times. It’s really poetic. Watching an old lady take a shit is really poetic. She gets that toilet paper while she’s shitting, it’s so easy man. Even if they’re so old they forget how to brush their teeth, they still know how to take a shit.’

 

‘No no, totally not like that. It was way more innocent, like she left the door open by mistake, you know what I mean.’

 

‘Sylvester is Italian right? And Arnold is Austrian. And he’s the governor of California.’

‘Rocky, Rambo, Terminator, Commando, Conan… Yeah I think Arnold Schwarzenegger, because he did like the first Conan, and it’s really Satanic. His first word is like when he’s fucking the witch.’

 

 

‘Wow, send me the name man, I gotta see that!’

 

 

‘No man, thank you for coming, especially from so far.’